Not sure what to do...

As I sit here today writing this I am overcome with the sense of "What the heck?" Why you might ask? Well, today is the first day that is is just me and Camryn! Crazy huh? It brought flashbacks of Cole and how EASY (yup I said it) 1 child is, how amazing 2 children are and how exhilarating 3 children are. Life takes on such different prospectives. At the beginning of your child journey you are so in awe of this little being and what they do and you wonder when they will sleep through the night so you can get back to your normal sleep schedule (which for me is very important, I don't function well in the afternoon on 3 hours of sleep) or when they will walk and talk. And then the next one comes and he is a special needs child who came home with a feeding tube and weighing just 10 pounds and 6 months, he hadn't bonded with anyone and had to learn how to smile, how to be a baby. So with Carson everything was "lets's just get him through this next struggle, through this next milestone." Now that I have 3 I want Camryn to be little forever, afraid that I will miss all that she is. That she will be lost in the shuffle of a family of 5. So today I think I will just stay in bed and cuddle with her. Ok, not that practical but do I really want to start that LONG list of crap that I have to do when she will only be this small once? Nope.... So, off to bed we go.